Distorted Impression

2011-11-15T19:36:00.001-05:00

"Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are."

Faded smile

2011-10-28T13:43:00.000-04:00

All you see is a smile on my face. But what you don't see is the anger building up. Bright red full of pain. Me. Many thoughts but one goal.
Slowly, the red of me goes down my arm. A moment of relief. Yet anger fills me
Keeping a smile on my face? It's the only way no one else gets hurt. I am capable of many things and....and many things could happen. Soon
I can never express the way I feel without a tear shedding from my eye. If only....if only I can tell you.
They say a smile can tell many things. If only....If only it can tell you....who I am.
You may think you know me. You know NOTHING at all. All you see is a smile. A smile that can last a mile and more. A smile that can last through streams of tears and oceans full of blood.
But this smile is slowly fading. It will soon disappear. Soon. Soon it will never exist.
I'm finally letting go of these grim thoughts. Letting go of the shedding of tears. Letting go of.....everything.
Whispers so hallow. Shouts so soft. My soul is weak and lost.

Blinded.

2011-10-28T13:42:00.000-04:00

They say "You're over reacting." They say "It's just a phase."
They are blinded by a society of white sheep lost in a herd.
They are blinded by a beauty so ugly.
Blinded by others views but, their own.
Blinded by a love so cold.
They are so blind, if I disappeared into thin air they wouldn't even think why?

2011-10-17T17:02:00.006-04:00

2011-10-17T17:02:00.004-04:00

Have you ever.....

2011-10-17T14:00:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to disappear or have everyone else just disappear or become mute. Where you are having more than a bad day but a bad life.
Have you ever had a time in your life where you wanted to not die but wake up in another world where you are loved by not just everyone but yourself too.
Have you ever just...just wish you was lost in a place so strange and unfamiliar. Have you ever been so down that it was so hard to get up.
Have you ever been so afraid to close your eyes because of the thoughts you have. Scared of your self and what you are.
Have you ever wanted every little problem never exist. Whether it be you or I.
Just... have you ever had a dream where everything was perfect...
Neither have I.

Journal Entry #18 - Mistaken Identity

2011-10-14T19:05:00.000-04:00

Your doorbell ring. You answer the door and find this on your front porch. You yell into the house, "We got another one!" Tell the rest of this story.

This wasn't out of the ordinary for someone to leave a life sized doll on my porch every now and then, especially around this time of year;since the incident. I already know who does this but I keep it to myself as part of the deal. In a small town like ours everybody knows everything and everyone.

Let me start from the beginning. three years ago, I was about 12 years old, my mom and dad were wanted in 7 states. I got used to the whole identity changing process. We came to Pointsville to lay low for awhile. It was pretty much the middle of nowhere, just the way I like it. This time around we decided we were going to stay here and live a "normal life".I changed my named Scottiey Hope Jackson. Dad said I could choose our names and looks this time. I changed my hair back to my natural color, Dark Red. I wear grey colored contacts so I don't resemble to much like I did when I was younger. Dads name is Phoenix and mom's is sky. They have black hair and green eyes.

When we got here everyone was welcoming. our neighbors, the Dillard's, gave us welcoming barbecue. I made a few friends, including Jessie. Josefina goes to my school where she was considered the "odd girl out," which is why I loved her from the start. Josie was the best artist I have ever come to know, and she is now considered my only friend.
Well back to the story, it was the start of my Sophomore year, Josie and I made sure to meet up before school to compare schedules. We had almost every class together. my so-called "new friends" from the summer hated me because I hung out with Josie, but I didn't care one bit.
Since it was still summer people were still having parties. The Dillard's of course were having them all. Their son Chad was the rudest boy ever, matter of fact he was beyond rude. Chad NEVER liked me, I don't know why but I could care less. He was throwing the back to school party, everyone was coming. The Dillard's made him invite me and Josie. We decided to go. At the party I was humiliated. I was thrown into the pool, shoes and all. Chad's friend Mark recorded it and they posted it on Facebook. i promised myself I would never be anything like my parents, I would be better. But that night I went into a furious rage. Let's just say Chad won't be playing Baseball for a while.
Josie told me that was the scariest thing she has ever seen, and Josie is the mother of all scary. After that night things got worst. Josie said when she first saw me and my parents we looked familiar. When she said this my heart stopped but she was far from done. She told me she started to do research on us because we were nothing like the people here. She finally got to the point and said she knew who we were. I started to cry and confessing to her. She told me to not to worry, she thought it was cool and our secret was safe with her. Little did she know she was the one I was worried about.
I told Josie about the last friend I had back when I was Rosalina Baker. Terry was my best friend in North Dakota, she also found out about my family and she just disappeared for weeks and then found dead. I asked my parents did they know anything all they said was "She knew to much." that was all I needed to here to figure out what happened. We didn't know my parents were at the door listening, it was a good thing never knew Josie's name. Josie was scared but came up with a plan. The plan that changed everything.
Josie said there was a girl who always picks with her, and starts terrible rumors about her. The girl looked exactly like Josie, it was Torance Whit. The plan was for me to tell my parents everything about Torance finding out about us, if they ever asked me or to have me argue with Josie about knowing but instead calling her Torance. I knew it was wrong for us to this because the fate of a girl I have never met was in my hands.
A few weeks later the plan went through well I think it did because Torance was found dead in her home. For a while Josie and I were remorseful but we decided it was to either move on with our lives or die from regret. Little did we know our problems were far from over. Chad knew about everything. He told me he was going to go to the cops. I told him if he did he would regret it. He got a little scared but told me if I was to ever come near him or his friends my family would never see daylight again.
Now the "normal happy life" I dreamed of having is as bad as it was before.